We’re so trendy we can’t even escape ourselves

4.48 Psychosis Sometimes I turn around and catch the smell of you and I cannot go on I cannot fucking go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awful physical aching fucking longing I have for you. And I cannot believe that I can feel this for you and you feel nothing. Do you feel nothing? And I go out at six in the morning and start my search for you. If I’ve dreamt a message of a street or a pub or a station I go there. And I wait for you. (Silence.) You know, I really feel like I’m being manipulated. (Silence.) I’ve never in my life had a problem giving another person what they want. But no one’s ever been able to do that for me. No one touches me, no one gets near me. But now you’ve touched me somewhere so fucking deep I can’t believe and I can’t be that for you. Because I can’t find you. (Silence.) What does she look like? And how will I know her when I see her? She’ll die, she’ll die, she’ll only fucking die. (Silence.) Do you think it’s possible for a person to be born in the wrong body? (Silence.) Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you for rejecting me by never being there, fuck you for making me feel shit about myself, fuck you for bleeding the fucking love and life out of me, fuck my father for fucking up my life for good and fuck my mother for not leaving him, but most of all, fuck you God for making me love a person who does not exist, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. ————————————————————- Cut out my tongue tear out my hair cut off my limbs but leave me my love I would rather have lost my legs pulled out my teeth gouged out my eyes than lost my love ————————————————————— I hope you never understand Because I like you I like you I like you still black water as deep as forever as cold as the sky as still as my heart when your voice is gone I shall freeze in hell of course I love you you saved my life I wish you hadn’t I wish you hadn’t I wish you’d left me alone ————————————————-————————- I’ve always loved you even when I hated you What am I like? just like my father ———————————————————————